"By faith Abraham, when called to go to a place he would later receive as his inheritance, obeyed and went, even though he did not know where he was going." --Hebrews 11:8
"It doesn't take any more effort to stay filled with faith than it takes to develop a negative attitude." I don't know. I have a real tendency to be a glass half empty person. If you're reading this and thinking, "Wait, I know her. She's not a negative person," then you didn't know me in my early 20s. It was a conscious decision to really work toward finding the positive, the good in every day life and I still struggle with it as my husband will be happy to tell you. That recovering perfectionist comes out quite often. How do you decide when "good enough" really is and when you should step outside that comfort zone and really push yourself toward God's perfection for you?
There have definitely been times in my life where I have pushed myself and reaped the rewards. Trying to live a life with no regrets means that sometimes you do have to say, "What the heck" and go for it. I want my girls to live their lives that way and yet it pains me to see when they are afraid to take a risk. I'll never forget the time I decided it was time to face my fear and sing solo in church. I walked up to the ambo and looked out among the congregation having convinced myself that no one there would ever tell me if I messed up (they all love me, right?) and I saw the face of a good friend that I wasn't expecting to see. All of a sudden, I had a swarm of butterflies in my stomach. She was no less likely to critique my performance than anyone else but it was a moment of shear panic. There was no turning back.
So where do I need to stretch now? What am I afraid will happen if I decide to go for something I've always wanted or pursue a new dream?
I've been trying to get a handle on this "putting me first" thing that people keep talking about. Not in the selfish negative way but in the take care of me so I can take care of everyone else kind of way. I put it off but don't deny myself the occasional pedicure. Spending $10 to get my eyebrows waxed doesn't seem like a guilt-inducing pleasure. I even looked up another mom's blog (http://www.blogher.com/putting-me-mom) to see what she had to say about it. The minor things aren't hard. This "lives changing" new direction could definitely mean sacrifice on more than just my part and I think that's what makes it so hard to decide what to pursue.
So yesterday I did a little retail therapy at Bed, Bath & Beyond and I'll probably make an appointment for a pedicure instead. Sure, let's put this off for another day. Maybe I can think about my life's pursuits while my feet are soaking.
I am definately in your camp...in that I am a perfectionist (I went f-ing nutz when the movers bumped into our newly-painted walls with the furniture...and still, to this day, eyeball the housekeeper when she leans the mop against the wall.
ReplyDeleteFace it, I have time on my hands, so I "freak out" regularly about the perfectionist stuff. (I could recite a list. You might laugh!)
That being said, I never had time to "freak" when I was working 60 hours a week. So maybe your "stay at home mom" status equates with my retired status, i.e. more freedom to stress out over stuff that just doesn't (really) matter.
Bottom line: I LOVE, LOVE days when nothing impinges on my "mellow" (few and far between). WHY? Because I relish days when I can just read, nuzzle the dogs, try out a new recipe, i.e. when I can be totally inner- vs. outer-directed.
And I take note of those "nothing" days. Why? Because I truly believe (and this is almost my mantra) that, "Contentment is under-rated."
I relish days when I can simply feel contented.
How about you? You may not have felt productive today...or happy...but were you contented? (IMHO, a vastly underrated virtue.)